Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Randomize
