Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
