dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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