my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
