U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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