did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
