Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
