our cab driver is having phone sex.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Randomize
