CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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