My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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