I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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