I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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