ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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