I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
