He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
