You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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