i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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