if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
