ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
