I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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