I just cut my nipple shaving
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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