wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
