I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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