jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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