i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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