I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
