no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
