Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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