There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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