I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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