Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
