My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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