she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
