you would pick up someone in the library
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
