i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
