i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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