She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
