I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
