My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
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i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.