stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize