I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
