actually, I'm a sock model
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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