I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
