I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
