Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
