smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
