Im at strip club and am horny
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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