just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
