I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
