Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
