Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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