So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
