he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
