Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my being single is dangerous.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
