You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
