I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
