At least make sure they are 18
Why
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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