I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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