Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
