what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
