quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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