just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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