Michael Bay diarrhea
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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