is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
