You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This baby is an asshole
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
