His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
