you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I DEMAND FORESKIN
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
