i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
