Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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