i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
