Sry I called you an 8
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
