I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
