Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
