Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
