omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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