would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she looked like the before picture.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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