i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
