I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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