I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
