He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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