I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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