Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
