overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
