so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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