Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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