ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
